.Tuesday, January 27, 2009 ' 11:03 AM Y
I miss you dearest. Though things can never be the same anymore, I miss you lots and forever you'll be a part of me in my life.
You will be a memory kept in my heart. A memory.....Sometimes being the only child is so lonely. Not talking about friends because I have alot friends but not having someone to hug and cry loudly when Im so upset about my life in the wee hours. I just wished I have a sibling who could be here for me when I emo about my past and my life. It just hurts though I know
Im just trying so hard to prove myself being capable to move on when Im actually not
.Thursday, January 15, 2009 ' 8:48 PM Y
Alright. Let me say this.
Im not gonna update here anytime soon. So well people..
here's my new link.
http://stephforsale.livejournal.com/If im gonna blog here.. I'll prolly let you guys know again. =]
See you on lj.
.Thursday, January 8, 2009 ' 6:54 AM Y
HAHAHAHAHAHA. im in bangkok right now. zzz
had lotsa fun today with bestie and sue (shenny's friend). took lotsa PHOTOS. OMG. Im so gonna blog it out after Im back from Bangkok. Love you all.
Take care!!!!=D
.Sunday, December 28, 2008 ' 6:49 AM Y
Ytd was great. Hahaha
Ziyang came to fetch me and we makan at changi village. Woo!
Once again, it's so nice to have a friend who drives....Hohoho.
Yes. Fish Soup, Wanton Mee and Carrot cake. Carrot cake kinda sucks though. Hoho.
Anyway, was very full, dont even have the urge to move about, felt like a pig at that point in time. Hahahahaha.
Alright. then mr nice guy send me to white sands before going off.
hahaha and I was early for work. FIRST TIME! Woo.
Hahahha.
Then. WORK as usual.
After work, I roamed around town alone, having lots of thoughts and emotions running through my mind. Then took the night rider home at twelve plus and reached home around 2 in the morning. Sigh.
What is happening to me.
I cant seem to find a reason to smile.
Yes I do smile for real but it's just that certain times, I find it hard to smile.
Esp when thoughts of you came to my mind. Oh well..
Okay. Im seriously tired. As in work. Mentally........well..yes I am.
And as for today.....work as usual. Ended at 7pm, makan with pops and went facial because my mom insisted that I go for facial. It's freaking pain when they squeeze my pimples. OMG.
But still, I wish for better complexion. So .....beauty comes with a price. PAIN!!!!!!!!
Hahahaha. Alright then. Im thinking whether to go or not to go for tmr's party.
Half of me is okay with it, another half of me is dying out of exhaustion. Because tuesday Im working AFTERNOON SHIFT. OMG.
Freaking tired.
Oh ya guys.. Need your suggestion. I wanna pierce again but Im thinking of where to pierce.
Someone please leave suggestions on where to pierce at my taggyboard pls.
OMG.
And why do I have the urge to pierce. Piercing is addictive you know. Same goes for tattoos.
Im thinking of piercing a part of my body which can be seen but KEI says its gross. So well..
any suggestions? =.=
Cant wait for the next piercing. WOO!
and hell....Im missing you so badly that I chose to hide it all away from my physical emotions.
.Friday, December 26, 2008 ' 8:01 PM Y
I just wished I had a place in your heart.
I miss you and I love you. Yes..I love you and I really do.
. ' 2:52 PM Y
You know whats the feeling of being cut open by someone again and then you heal..and then the wound just kinda slit open again?
Yes. If words could bring you over, it would already have..things would not turn out like this.
It feels like it's back to square one.
The things you trying to tell me, what is it really about?
That you have been playing all along, or is it that it's just plainly uncertain of how you are feeling or is it really that you have someone else in mind?
So what is it about?
You know.. Yes I barely know you inside and out and I kept on moving. Moving towards a destination whereby it will eventually skin me alive. Yes you can say Im foolish and stop myself right away. But GOD knows how deep I have fallen in love with you.
Words from you kills me. It really kills. If these words were said just earlier. Earlier than when I started thinking further, it probably would only injure me and heal much more easier.
But now.. it hurts as bad as when my r/s failed, the same o' feeling.
And if you know, I have always been trying to hide my feelings from you. I really did. Like I told you, I dont expect you to have return feelings for me but just as when Im trying very hard to keep my heart away from you because you said you dont like me at first, and so I tried to save myself. But now you, YOU are the one who came to tickle my heart and when I felt that this could be true, you left me behind again, trying to figure out whats real and whats not.
This feeling is so bad. so fucking bad.
Yes you said you were appreciative of it. and grateful. thats not what I want, do you know.
I just want things to remain the way it is now. Friends. but with a lil on and off sweetness that helps keep me feel loved a lil by you but not to such an extend of a r/s. It's even better than what we are now. Now, I dont even know whether you'll be running away from me again or are we able to meet up again.
Im sick and tired of hearing words from you on and off. I just wished you would stay by my side, just your presence will do. Please dont ever run away, dont ever.
Tears rolled down. as badly as I wanna hold you, I know I have never did able to hold you tight.
As much as I wanna be with you, I know its not possible. But you know.. I have never harbour hopes that you'll do that. I told you before, if you ever find someone, it's okay. I never wanted forever and ever. I just wished you would be here for me be it with lil feelings or with much feelings as time goes by and if things arent turning out well, so be it. But you wouldnt try. You wouldnt give me or yourself any chance to let it work out for once, even for a little little while.
If you never try, you never know. What if.. what if we would really be happy in the future. you and i wouldnt know. what if things turn out super badly in the future, still both of us wouldnt know unless we try. We should cherish what's in front of us and let time tell us the truth.
Are you telling me all these stuff because it was one sided all along, never halfway through you had me in your mind?
So what is it about?
Please tell me what am I suppose to do. Please tell me.
My heart, still beats for you.
It bleeds, it heals, it bleeds even badly but it still am here for you.
Still am and always will until the day you found someone better, or I find someone better. Till then, it will always be here, always will be.
I love you, even if it means seeing myself get hurt and you going further away from me, I still will..
love you.
.Thursday, December 25, 2008 ' 6:34 PM Y
Yeah Yeah!
Luxuan and I registered for our elective modules!!!Woo!!!!
Singapore Arts Scene-Design and Media as well as Introduction to Photography.
Like finally we get to register for that, last semester we couldnt even get anywhere near these modules. OMG.
Hahahhahaha.
Alright. Off to work.
See you people.
