.Friday, December 26, 2008 ' 2:52 PM Y
You know whats the feeling of being cut open by someone again and then you heal..and then the wound just kinda slit open again?
Yes. If words could bring you over, it would already have..things would not turn out like this.
It feels like it's back to square one.
The things you trying to tell me, what is it really about?
That you have been playing all along, or is it that it's just plainly uncertain of how you are feeling or is it really that you have someone else in mind?
So what is it about?
You know.. Yes I barely know you inside and out and I kept on moving. Moving towards a destination whereby it will eventually skin me alive. Yes you can say Im foolish and stop myself right away. But GOD knows how deep I have fallen in love with you.
Words from you kills me. It really kills. If these words were said just earlier. Earlier than when I started thinking further, it probably would only injure me and heal much more easier.
But now.. it hurts as bad as when my r/s failed, the same o' feeling.
And if you know, I have always been trying to hide my feelings from you. I really did. Like I told you, I dont expect you to have return feelings for me but just as when Im trying very hard to keep my heart away from you because you said you dont like me at first, and so I tried to save myself. But now you, YOU are the one who came to tickle my heart and when I felt that this could be true, you left me behind again, trying to figure out whats real and whats not.
This feeling is so bad. so fucking bad.
Yes you said you were appreciative of it. and grateful. thats not what I want, do you know.
I just want things to remain the way it is now. Friends. but with a lil on and off sweetness that helps keep me feel loved a lil by you but not to such an extend of a r/s. It's even better than what we are now. Now, I dont even know whether you'll be running away from me again or are we able to meet up again.
Im sick and tired of hearing words from you on and off. I just wished you would stay by my side, just your presence will do. Please dont ever run away, dont ever.
Tears rolled down. as badly as I wanna hold you, I know I have never did able to hold you tight.
As much as I wanna be with you, I know its not possible. But you know.. I have never harbour hopes that you'll do that. I told you before, if you ever find someone, it's okay. I never wanted forever and ever. I just wished you would be here for me be it with lil feelings or with much feelings as time goes by and if things arent turning out well, so be it. But you wouldnt try. You wouldnt give me or yourself any chance to let it work out for once, even for a little little while.
If you never try, you never know. What if.. what if we would really be happy in the future. you and i wouldnt know. what if things turn out super badly in the future, still both of us wouldnt know unless we try. We should cherish what's in front of us and let time tell us the truth.
Are you telling me all these stuff because it was one sided all along, never halfway through you had me in your mind?
So what is it about?
Please tell me what am I suppose to do. Please tell me.
My heart, still beats for you.
It bleeds, it heals, it bleeds even badly but it still am here for you.
Still am and always will until the day you found someone better, or I find someone better. Till then, it will always be here, always will be.
I love you, even if it means seeing myself get hurt and you going further away from me, I still will..
love you.
